How Job Interviewing is Just Like Dating – Job Interview Questions You Should Answer

I’m going to assume that at some point in your adult life, you’ve been on a date. And if not, we should talk. I’m an expert at first dates. Second and third dates, not so much.

On said date you probably, at some point, felt that you were on a job interview, which of course, you were. Job interviewing and spouse shopping are not that different. At both types of ‘interviews’ we’re on our best behavior, attempting to put ourselves in the best positive light, thus saying things we don’t always mean. “I love deep sea fishing!” “Cold calls are my middle name.” “Chick flicks are my favorite!” “Seventy-five minute commute, no problem.”

There are a handful of things job interviewers and daters want to know upon a first meeting. And savvy careerists and singletons should find a way to provide their ‘interviewer’ with this information.

Here are some common things job interviewers and dates want to know and typically find a way to ask:

Don’t wait to be asked some of these job interview questions. Instead, offer the information without being asked. Explain before you’re asked why you left a certain job and what’s important to have in your next job. Find a way to slip salient details into your job interview questions, even if you haven’t been asked. You’ll put your interviewer’s mind at ease and might just land a job you really like.

Get our list of job interview questions for job seekers and interviewers here.

Ask Questions Before You Give Feedback & Strengthen Your Business Relationships

When you feel you’ve been wronged, it’s natural to lay into the offending person, give negative feedback, and tell him exactly what you think. The problem with doing this is that as soon as a person feels accused, he becomes defensive. And when people are put on the defensive and feel threatened, they stop listening. And you’ve potentially damaged your workplace relationship.

When someone does something for the first time that violates your expectations, use the lowest level of intervention necessary. Allow the person to save face, and ask for what you want, without giving an abundance of negative feedback and pointing out all the things he’s done wrong.

Likewise, when you cut your finger while cooking, you put a Band-Aid on your finger. You don’t cut off the finger. This is true with business communication too.

When you’re facilitating a meeting, you can ask the two people who are side talking to stop, or you can go third grade on them and ask, “Is there something you want to share with the rest of us?” Both methods will stop the behavior. But one embarrasses the side talkers a lot, the other only a little.

Likewise, when one of your coworkers takes credit for your work, you can give feedback and say, “I noticed you told Mike that you worked on that project, when we both know that you didn’t. Why did you do that?” Or you can skip the accusation and ask a question instead, saying, “I noticed you told Mike you worked on that project. Can I ask why you did that?” From there you can have a discussion, give feedback if you need to, and negotiate.

When your boss doesn’t make time to meet with you, rather than saying, “You don’t make time for me. That makes it hard for me to do my job and makes me feel unimportant.” Instead consider saying, “I know how busy you are. Your input is really important in helping me move forward with projects. How can we find 30 minutes a week to connect so I can get your input and stay on track?”

In each of the situations above, you’d be justified in calling the person out and giving negative feedback. And it might feel good in the moment. But being right doesn’t get you closer to what you want, and it can damage your workplace relationships.

Practice good business communication –say as little as you have to, to get what you want. If this method doesn’t work, then escalate, communicate more directly, and give feedback. The point is to get what you want, not to make the other person look bad. The better the ‘offender’ feels after the conversation, the more likely you are to get what you want in the future.

Business Communication – There is No Crying at Work

When confronted with a challenging conversation or situation, everyone has a reaction of some type. Some people laugh nervously. Some people get quiet and retreat. Other people turn red. Others yell. And some people cry. All of these reactions are normal and natural.

If people didn’t have emotions we’d be androids. And while there are probably days you wish your coworkers acted more like Siri, if the people you work with don’t think more critically than your iPhone, they aren’t of much use to you.

The problem with expressing emotions at work is that it makes people uncomfortable. And often when people are uncomfortable, they don’t know what to do. They just want the situation to go away. And unfortunately in this situation, that means they want you to go away, which is not how you want your boss, coworkers, or customers to think about you.

Avoid crying at work. It makes the person across from you feel uncomfortable and helpless. Men and women alike don’t know what to do when someone they work with cries. They just want the person to stop crying or leave.

I’ve heard some people describe criers as manipulative, as if they cry to orchestrate a certain outcome. I don’t believe that. I think people who cry at work do so involuntarily. It’s their natural reaction to stress. That said, crying at work is not good for professional reputations or relationships.

Here’s what you should do if you have a crier in your office:

1. Hand the person a tissue.
2. Know that you are responsible for how you deliver information. You are not responsible for the person’s reaction.
3. If the person can continue the conversation, keep talking.
4. If s/he can’t continue the conversation, end it and talk another day. Say something like, “I can see this is very difficult, and I’m very sorry about that. Why don’t we finish the conversation another day.”
5. If the person doesn’t leave your office, stand up and open your door. That will prompt the other person to stand up.

Here’s what you should do if you’re a crier:

1. Don’t have difficult conversations when you’re tired, stressed, or are having a bad day.
2. Practice potentially difficult conversations so you feel more prepared and in control.
3. Know that nothing is personal.
4. If you sense you are going to cry, get out of the meeting before you do.
5. Take a walk outside to burn off stress.
6. If you cry in a meeting, apologize and try to stop.
7. If you can’t, excuse yourself from the meeting and circle back to the person when you’re more composed.

None of these suggestions are intended to sound cold or unempathetic. Instead, they’re intended to help criers manage their professional reputation and career. You don’t want someone to be afraid to give you bad news because they fear your reaction. Anything that gets in the way of telling you the truth makes it likely that you won’t get real feedback. And without consistent, candid feedback, you’re working in the dark.

Not knowing how you come across and how your work is perceived are the things that lead to being fired, overlooked for projects, and laid off. Make it easy to tell you the truth by managing your emotions during difficult conversations. As hard and at times seemingly unrealistic as it seems, leave your feelings in your car.

The Job Interview Questions Hiring Managers Must Ask

There is one job interview question recruiters and hiring managers must ask. And the answer should be a deal breaker.

The most important job interview question for any role and level, in every organization: Tell me about a time you received negative feedback.

This is NOT the same question as tell me about a weakness. Or tell me about a time you made a mistake at work. Those are also important job interview questions to ask. But they’re not the most important question.

Let’s assume everyone you interview is age sixteen and older. Unless your candidates live in a cave, never speaking to anyone, it’s not possible to arrive at age 16 without having received negative feedback. The feedback can come from a friend, teacher, or parent. It doesn’t need to be work related.

The point of the question is to discover whether the candidate is open to feedback. People who are not open to feedback are extraordinarily difficult to work with. They aren’t coachable. Any type of feedback they receive will result in resistance and defensiveness.

Employees who aren’t open to feedback won’t change or improve their behavior, regardless of how effective a manager is. Instead of listening to feedback and taking corrective action, employees who are not open to feedback will tell managers why they are wrong.

Everyone you interview has received negative feedback at some point. The question is whether or not candidates were open enough to listen to the feedback. People who aren’t open to feedback won’t be able to answer your question.

If candidates can’t tell you about a time they received negative feedback, ask a follow-up question. Your job as the interviewer is to give candidates every possible opportunity to be successful. If you don’t get the answer you’re looking for, ask the interview question in two different ways, until you’re certain the candidate can’t or won’t answer the question.

If candidates can’t tell you about a time they received negative feedback, ask what their reputation is at their current job or was at a previous job. Candidates probably won’t be able to answer this question either. Most people don’t know their reputation at work.

Even if a candidate doesn’t know with certainty his reputation at work, the answer he provides will give you a sense of how self aware he is. People who are self aware are more open to feedback and are easier to coach and manage than people who are not self aware.

I really do eliminate candidates who demonstrate that they aren’t open to feedback –whether I’m hiring for Candid Culture or for one of my clients. I don’t care how credentialed or experienced the candidate is.

Not getting feedback at work? It’s your mom’s fault

Last week I had lunch with a client. When I returned from the lunch I saw a friend who told me I had something stuck in my teeth.  I was embarrassed and wondered why my client hadn’t told me.

It’s quite possible he hadn’t noticed.  In fact, knowing this guy and how much work I’ve done with his firm on being candid, it’s probable he hadn’t noticed. But we all know people who notice and say nothing. We could walk around all day with toilet paper on our shoe, lipstick on our teeth, or our fly down, and the people around us won’t tell us.

If you read my blog weekly, you already know that people have been trained not to tell you the truth.

But I think there is more preventing people from telling us the truth. Complete this sentence:  “If you have nothing nice to say, _________________________________. Who told you that?  Your mother!!!

I do think there’s something to this. We’re raised to believe that it isn’t nice to say something to another person that isn’t positive.  And in the past, when we did speak up, it’s likely the other person got defensive.  So it’s no wonder that we don’t readily give people bad news.

Here are five tips for getting feedback from the people around you:

1. Establish a core team of people who will always tell you the truth. These can be friends, coworkers, clients, vendors, you boss, etc.
2. Give people permission to be honest with you.  “Let’s make a deal. I always want you to tell me the truth. If I have something stuck in my teeth, or I’m inappropriately dressed for a meeting, or I’m doing something that damages my reputation, I want you to tell me.”
3. Make it easy to tell you the truth. “I promise no matter what you tell me and how hard it is to hear, I will say thank you. I won’t get defensive. And if I do, I’ll apologize and try to do better next time.”
4. Offer to do the same for them. “And if you want me to do the same thing for you, I’m happy to do it.”
5. Periodically check in with people and ask for feedback.  “A few months ago I asked you to tell me anything I said, did, or wore that got in the way of my success.  Is there anything you’ve seen that you want to tell me?”

Every time you ask for feedback and take it graciously, you train the person to give you more feedback. On the contrary, every time you get defensive, you make it hard for people to give you feedback, making it likely they won’t do it again.

If you don’t want to walk around looking silly all day, make it safe to tell you the truth.

Writing Annual Performance Goals – Don’t Go to Work Without Knowing the Rules of the Game

Sue:  “I shouldn’t have to tell him what I want.  He should just know.”

Bob:  “She expects me to read her mind.  I’m not a mind reader.”

This age-old romantic relationship complaint is as common at work as it is at home.

Several years ago, before I started Candid Culture, I wrote down my annual performance goals, and asked my manager to approve the goals, which he did. But we didn’t weigh the goals. Neither I nor my manager articulated what percent of my bonus should be dedicated to each goal. The company practiced pay-for-performance and paid bonuses based on goal achievement.

At the end of the year, my boss reviewed my performance goals as part of my performance appraisal. There was one very small project that I didn’t finish. And when I say small, I mean, really, really small. So small, that detail-oriented me shouldn’t have included the project on my list of performance goals. My boss dinged me 15% of my annual bonus for not completing that one very small project. Apparently he thought the project was important. And I lost a chunk of change.

I was really upset. But it was my fault. I didn’t work with my boss to weight my projects or performance goals. So when it came time to determine bonuses, the decision was subjective, which is not what you the employee wants.

When evaluating performance, Managers don’t really want subjectivity either. When there are no clear criteria for awarding bonuses, pay increases, or company stock, managers can have a hard time making decisions, and employees often feel treated unfairly. Written guidelines for how compensation is allocated reduce the feeling that compensation decisions are unfair and subjective.

Your manager may or may not verbalize his expectations for the year, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have expectations.  A professional athlete would never get on the field without knowing the rules of the game, and neither should you. Don’t go to work without knowing what, specifically, is expected of you.

Ask your manager these questions each quarter. Don’t guess!

1. What projects are most important this quarter?
2. How is my work being evaluated? What are the criteria for a good job?
3. How often would you like to review work in progress so you can give feedback, and I can make adjustments as projects progress?

The bottom line is:

1. Don’t wait for someone to tell you what to do at work.
2. Like speeding limits, not knowing the rules doesn’t mean you’re not subject to them.
3. Write down your performance goals and get them approved in writing by your manager, even if your manager is difficult to schedule with. While it’s not ideal, you can write your performance goals down and email them for edits and approval, without discussing live.
4. Review performance goals quarterly, at a minimum.  Monthly would be better. Bring your goals to your one-on-one meetings with your manager and discuss progress regularly. Don’t make your manager ask you for updates.
5. If you’re not having one-on-one meetings with your manager, start. Employees are accountable for asking their manager for feedback.
6. Make changes, in writing, to goals that change or become irrelevant.
7.  If your compensation or annual performance rating is tied to goal achievement, write down specifically how each goal contributes to your compensation or annual rating. Giving each goal a numerical value (a percentage) is ideal.

These guidelines may sound like a lot of work or overly formal. In my experience writing agreed-upon performance goals give employees a sense of control. When I know what I need to do, and I know how I’m being evaluated, I feel like I am in charge of where I put my time. If I elect not to finish a project, I know how I will be affected. And that makes me feel like I’m running the show.

Under Commit In 2013 – Make New Year’s Resolutions and Set Goals That Set You Up to Win

Tis’ the season to over commit.

It’s almost January 1st, when many of us begin thinking about New Year’s Resolutions. We vow to lose 20 pounds, save 10% of our income, get promoted at work, take an exotic vacation, be a better partner, etc. etc. Also known as “how to set yourself up to fail” in five easy steps.  The reality is we might do one or two of those things, if that.

Why not set yourself up to win instead? Instead of setting huge goals that are unlikely to happen, why not set more realistic goals that you can and will likely to do?

If you manage people, perhaps you’re thinking about how you can be a better manager in 2013. Or you may be thinking about how you can accelerate your career. You may decide to meet with your employees more frequently, or ask your boss for more feedback, or ask for new and different work. You may think that doing these things will help you strengthen your relationships with your employees and your reputation, and advance your career. Doing any of these things might help you strengthen your business relationships and help you get ahead. But they might not, if those things are not important to your employees, your boss and/or your organization.

In 2013, put energy and resources into the things that truly matter to the people you work with, rather than the things you think they think are important. And the only way to know what the people around you really want and need is to ask them.  Don’t assume you know what is important to your boss, direct reports and coworkers, ask them. Ask more. Assume less.

There are countless examples of managers who went to great lengths to make their employees happy. They gave bonuses, cool projects, and time off. And their employees quit anyway. Or, trying to make a manager happy, employees stayed late, beat deadlines, and took on additional work, and still got a mediocre review. Rather than doing what you think others want, ask them!

How about this for a New Year’s resolution — ask your boss, direct reports and key customers these questions as you begin the New Year:

1. What’s the most important work I did in the past 12 months?
2. What’s an area, in 2012, I exceeded your expectations?
3. How did I let you down?
4. If I could do one thing differently this year that would make the biggest difference for you and/or the organization, what would it be?
5. Where do you think I should focus my energy in 2013?
6. It may be intimidating to ask for feedback from your peers and direct reports. But you won’t know what to do more, better, or differently if you don’t ask.

The right answer to feedback is always “thank you,” regardless of what you really want to say.  Saying “thank you” makes you a safe person to whom to tell the truth and makes it more likely you’ll get more information in the future. So bite your tongue and respond to all feedback with, “Thank you for telling me that. I’m going to think about what you’ve said and may come back to you to discuss further.” They’ll be relieved, and you’ll strengthen your professional image.

It’s easy to assume what others want and are expecting from us. The problem is we’re not always correct. Thus we expend energy doing things that others don’t find valuable or important, otherwise known as wasting time and resources.

Your time and budget dollars are valuable. Use your time and money for things that others actually want, versus what you think they want. In 2013, dial it back. Make realistic, attainable goals that are aligned with what the people around want and need. And in return, you too will get what you want and need.

Take advantage of the last day to get a free box of Candor Questions with a purchase of $75 or more candor products.

Don’t Damage Your Career at the Company Holiday Party

Many of us have seen our friends, coworkers and even manager do really dumb things at the company holiday party.

Here are list of my favorites:

• Having a few too many drinks and sharing confidential information
• Wearing a dress that shows the people you work with more of your body than they should see
• Showing moves on the dance floor that you don’t have
• Hooking up with coworkers

Your company holiday party is a company event, and anything you wear, do, or say is grounds for gossip the next day at work.

Don’t become the topic of conversation the day after your company holiday party.

A few rules to live by at your company holiday party:

• If you wouldn’t want a picture of you wearing it hung up in a conference room, don’t wear it to the holiday party.
• Don’t get drunk at a company event, ever.  If you get ‘chatty’ after two drinks, then two is too many.
• If you wouldn’t say something to someone at work, don’t say it at the holiday party.

The last rule:  Help your friends and coworkers by stopping them from making career limited moves at company events.  Rather than watching the train wreck go by as your friends say and do things they shouldn’t, gather your courage, and tell them it’s time to switch to club soda.

You may feel like you can’t give this type of feedback. It is hard to do, unless you’ve made an agreement before the party starts to do so. And even if you do make an agreement to tell people when they do something dumb, it’s still hard to do. But it will probably feel almost impossible if you haven’t set the expectation in advance.

So make a deal with your friends at work. If anyone says, does, or wears something really misguided to the holiday party, you will tell each other without negative recourse. And if all else fails, and you break ever ‘rule’ listed here, just call out sick for two weeks after the company holiday party, because that won’t raise any red flags at all.

Just Say No to Reply-to-All and Cc’ing the World Emails – Reply All Etiquette

You need something from Suzanne.  Suzanne tends to ignore your emails. So in frustration, when sending Suzanne requests, you begin Cc’ing your boss and Suzanne’s boss. This has happened to most of us.

People Cc people who don’t really need to receive communications for a few reasons:

1)      Sometimes people really aren’t sure who needs to know the information. So just to be safe, they include others.  This can be quite innocent.

2)      Sometimes people want others to know what they’re up to (a.k.a. they’re seeking recognition). This is not necessarily bad. It’s important to share what you’re doing for the organization, and cc’ing ancillary people on emails can be a very smart thing to do.

3)      Lastly, sometimes people are afraid they won’t get what they need from the email recipient, so they Cc lots of people. This is typically not so innocent.

What should you do when someone Cc’s the world when emailing you, and you fear that it makes you look bad?

I suggest speaking directly with people who Cc others on emails.  The conversation could sound something like this, “I noticed that when you email me you have a tendency to Cc other department heads. For example, last week when you asked me for the year-end numbers, you Cc’d my boss, Lisa in Marketing, and Bob in Sales. I was wondering why you’re doing that?”

Then stop talking and listen to what the person says.

Depending on what s/he says, you can respond with something like, “I will always strive to provide you with what you need.  If you don’t get what you need from me in a timely way, by all means escalate your request, and go to the people above me. But I’d really appreciate if you’d come to me first and give me a chance to fulfill your request. Would you be willing to do that?”

If the person says something like, “I just think Lisa and Bob need to have this information. I have no other agenda,” you can respond with something like, “I don’t think they need this information, but why don’t we ask them. Would you be comfortable with that? I’ll send them both a message and Cc you, letting them know we talked about this email chain, and ask if they want to continue to receive the messages. How does that sound?”

You never know why someone is doing something, even if you think you know. Ask!

I encourage you to say something versus nothing. If you say nothing you’ll likely make decisions about the person and about your working relationship that may or may not be accurate. If you say nothing, the behavior is bound to continue.

People change their behavior for two reasons, positive and negative consequences.  No consequences, no behavior change. No one likes to be ‘called on’ their behavior.  Often a conversation like the one above will make the person uncomfortable enough to stop doing what they’re doing.

Reply All Etiquette:

More innocent than Cc’ing the world, but equally annoying, is the reply-to-all email. Someone in your office sends around a joke.  Seventy-five people feel compelled to reply to all with their feelings about the joke. When I see things like this, I count how much money in lost wages companies are spending, that is, after I’ve put a pen in my eye.

To prevent reply to all emails, the person who initiates the first email can put in LARGE FONT, “Please reply only to me!”

You can also bcc people on the initial email so the reply’s don’t go to everyone.

It also takes only one person who asks people to stop replying to all, for the email chain to stop. And it’s perfectly appropriate to do this. The email could sound something like, “Going forward, please only reply to Brian, versus replying to all. Thank you!”

When things in the workplace frustrate you, it can be easier to say nothing than to say something. Saying nothing will also help nothing.  The frustration is still there. The relationships are still damaged. Gather your courage, and save your office mates a lot of time.

Promote Yourself – It’s Your Job

Most managers write performance appraisals from a blank page. They sit at their desks trying to remember all the good things employees did throughout the year. But it’s hard to remember a whole year’s worth of events. So the appraisal ends up being a review of the last quarter, which is all they can remember.

Don’t let this happen to you.

The time to start preparing for your performance appraisal is now. Not in January, now.

Two months ago I wrote a blog encouraging you to ask your boss’s permission to give him/her a list of your 2012 accomplishments. Just in case you didn’t do it, I’m reminding you again.

Most of us are not great at self promotion. We think that if we do great work, the right people will notice, and we’ll get the recognition – status, money, responsibility – we deserve. In fact, many people critique others who are good at self promotion thinking that they’re suck ups, who make themselves look good at others’ expense. And we don’t want to be like that. So we decide, “I’ll quietly do my job well and eventually I’ll get the recognition I deserve.”

You can promote yourself and the work you do without appearing arrogant, self inflated, or trampling on others.

Think about it this way, no one knows the work you do better than you do. Your boss doesn’t follow you around. S/he doesn’t know all the great stuff you do every day. It’s your job to tell her.

Here’s how to promote yourself:

Create a one-page sheet of your projects and accomplishments. Bring this sheet to your one-one-one meetings with your boss, however frequently they occur. At the end of the year these sheets become the cheat sheet from which to write your review. Aggregate all the information you’ve captured during the year and ask your boss’s permission to provide it to help him/her write your appraisal. S/he won’t say no. Writing appraisals is time consuming. If you can make the process easier, it strengthens your relationship with your boss and makes you look good. But you must ask for permission to send the list.

If you haven’t been assembling a list of accomplishments, create one for 2012 now. And start creating a list in January of 2013, and add to the list regularly.

It’s your job to promote yourself and tell the people you work with what you’re doing. Simply say:

“Here’s what I’ve been focused on…”
“Here are a few projects my team finished…”
“Here’s something I’m working on…”
“I’m really proud of…”

Any of these phrases will do the trick. Don’t make your boss guess. Make it easy to promote you.