Give Feedback or Say Nothing?
Most of us grapple with whether or not we should give feedback when someone else does or says something frustrating.
Here are a few criteria to help you decide whether or not you should give feedback or say nothing:
- Do you have a relationship with the person? Do you know each other well enough to share your opinion? Aka, have you earned the right?
- Has the other person requested your opinion? Unsolicited feedback is not typically received well.
- If the other person has not requested your opinion, does he appear open to hearing feedback?
- Are you trying to make a difference for the other person or just make him look or feel bad?
- Do you want to strengthen the relationship?
Before you give feedback, do something I call, ‘check your motives at the door.’ If your motives are pure – you want to strengthen the person or the relationship, and you have a good enough relationship that you’ve earned the right to speak up — then do it.
People are more open to feedback when they trust our motives. If we have a good relationship with the person and he knows we’re speaking up to make a difference for him or for the relationship, you’ll be able to say way more than if your motives are questionable – aka you want to be right.
About Shari Harley
Shari Harley is the founder and President of Candid Culture, a Denver-based training firm that is bringing candor back to the workplace, making it easier to give feedback at work. Shari is the author of the business communication book How to Say Anything to Anyone: A Guide to Building Business Relationships that Really Work. She is a keynote speaker at conferences and does training throughout the U.S. Learn more about Shari Harley and Candid Culture’s training programs at www.candidculture.com.
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Tags: business relationships, give feedback, giving feedback, good business communication, negative feedback
