Strengthening Business Relationships – Make Three Attempts

If you work with other people, there is likely at least one business relationship you wish was stronger. If only that person included you on necessary communications, didn’t gossip about you, or gave you honest feedback, versus telling you everything is fine and then working around you.

What often makes work hard isn’t the work at hand, it’s the people we work with – the power struggles, cc-reply-to-all when everyone doesn’t need to know, and the gossip that pervades most organizations.

You need to communicate and work well with the people you work with. And like any relationship, business relationships require work. But what happens when someone doesn’t return your efforts for a positive working relationship? They don’t return emails or voicemails, ignores requests, or goes above you instead of coming to you when issues arise?

Make three attempts at strengthening a business relationship.

I’ll attempt to strengthen a business relationship three times before giving up. Phone calls, video, and in-person meetings count as an attempt to improve a relationship, emails and text messages don’t. Emails and texts are passive, one-sided communications. If you’re serious about strengthening a relationship, talk with the person, either in person or via video or the phone.

The conversation could go something like, “We’re going to be working together a lot this quarter, I thought it would be helpful to talk through how we both like to communicate and who will do what. When is a good time for us to connect via phone?”

Or, you could say, “A lot has happened this year – good and bad. I thought it would be helpful to talk about what did and didn’t work, so the rest of the year is smooth. Can we schedule a call to talk about it?”

Or, perhaps, “I want to talk with you about how we work together. I think we both know that this year has been hard. I’d love for us to have a good working relationship. Can we talk about how we want to work together going forward?”

It doesn’t so much matter what you say, as long as you start the conversation. Relationships don’t just improve by chance.

I’ll make attempts like those above three times (with the same person). If the person doesn’t reach back, says no, or cancels three scheduled meetings, I give up. Don’t chase people. The people who are interested in fostering a good working relationship will make the time and be willing to be uncomfortable.

What does it mean to give up? You are not the Golden Retriever of the workplace. Nor are you the 7-11 – always open. If someone isn’t interested in talking with me about how we can improve our relationship, I don’t keep asking. After the third no, I’m polite. I include the person in all necessary meetings and communications. I’m professional. But I don’t keep inviting. You can’t work with someone who won’t work with you.

Extend an olive branch. Be forthcoming, brave, and yourself. And if you get three nos’, work on other business relationships and leave this one be.

Write Your Own Goals & Take Control of Your Performance Review

Many year-end performance reviews include whatever the manager and direct report can remember happening during the last six weeks of the year. For the most part, managers and direct reports sit in front of blank performance appraisals and self-appraisal forms and try to remember everything that happened during the year. The result: A vague, incomplete performance review that leaves employees feeling disappointed, if not discounted.

If you were disappointed by your performance review last year, don’t let it happen again this year. Take charge of your career by writing your own goals.

One of the first companies I worked for did the goal process so well, I learned early in my career how powerful well-written goals could be. Each employee set five to seven goals. Experienced employees wrote their own goals and then discussed those goals with their manager. Less experienced employees wrote their goals with their manager. Managers wrote goals for inexperienced employees. The goals were so specific and clear that there could be no debate at the end of the year whether or not the goal had been achieved. It was obvious. Either employees had done what they said they would, or they hadn’t. This made writing performance appraisals very easy. Very little on the appraisal was subjective. And this gave employees a feeling of control over their year and performance.

It’s great if you work for an organization or manager who works with you to write goals. If you don’t, write your own goals and present them to your manager for discussion and approval. Managers will be impressed you took the initiative to write goals and will be thankful for the work it takes off of them.

Goals should be simple and clear. It must be obvious whether you achieved the goal or not. There should be little if any room for debate. Sample goals are below.

Desired Outcome (goal):

• Improve client feedback – too vague • Get better-written reviews from clients – better • 80% of clients respond to surveys and respond with an average rating of 4.5 or above – best

Actions you will take to achieve the goal:

• Ask clients for feedback throughout project — too vague • Ask clients for feedback weekly – better • Visit client site weekly. Talk with site manager. Ask for feedback — best

Goal template:

Completed sample goal:

How to approach your manager with written goals:

Try using this language with your manager: “I want to be sure I’m working on the things that are most important to you and the organization. I’ve written some goals for 2024 to ensure I’m focused on the right things. Can we review the goals and I’ll edit them based on your input? And what do you think of using the agreed-upon goals to measure my performance in 2024?”

You have nothing to lose by writing goals and presenting them to your manager. You will gain respect from your manager, clarity of your 2024 priorities, and more control of your year-end-performance review. Give it a try and let me know how it goes.

Receiving Feedback – Get A Second Opinion

At some point in your career, you will likely get feedback that doesn’t feel accurate. When receiving feedback you question, rather than dismiss it, vet the feedback with the people who know you best. Assemble a core team of people who know you well, love you, and have your back.  The relationships may be personal or professional. These are people who will tell you the truth (as they see it) if you ask.

You might think that you’re a different person at home and at work, thus your friends’ and family’s input isn’t valid in the workplace. I don’t think that’s true. You are who you are, and you’re not a completely different person at home and at work. It’s just not possible to be your real self and turn it on and off at work. Sure, you might have a communication style that you only use at work. You may make decisions at work differently than you do personally. And you are likely to dress differently at work than at home. But you’re not a completely different person after 5:00 pm. If you’re often late, don’t keep confidences, talk too much and too long, or wear clothing that is not your friend, your personal relationships can tell you that.

It’s important to know how you come across, your reputation, and your wins and losses at work. Having this information allows you to manage your reputation and in turn, your career.

The question is, with whom should you vet feedback that doesn’t feel quite right?

Here are four criteria for core team members:

1. Your core team should be made up of a small number of people (five or fewer) who know you well, love you, and have your back.
2. You should respect core team members’ opinions.
3. You must trust your core team and their motives, in relation to your well-being.
4. You must be open to core team members’ feedback.

Core team members don’t need to be told they’re on your core team. Simply call these people individually when you need input. Tell them the feedback you’ve received and then ask for their opinion.

It’s easy to dismiss feedback that’s hard to hear. The feedback you receive might just be that person’s opinion. But people talk. And one person’s experience of you can impact your career greatly. Manage your career assertively and powerfully by knowing your reputation. Find out the impressions you create. Then you can make decisions about changes you will and won’t make.

Asking for Too Much Can Damage Careers

I recently interviewed a candidate who asked for a lot of ‘stuff’ during the interview process. She wanted compensation, perks, accommodations, and benefits that were way outside the norm. I’m assuming she was employing the adage we’ve all heard, that “it can’t hurt to ask.”  Unfortunately, it can hurt to ask.

When forging new relationships, we watch (judge) people. We’re trying to figure out who they are and how they are. Are they the person they claimed to be during the interview process? Are they trustworthy? Did I make the right decision in bringing this person into my team, organization, and life?

Requests always make an impression. When we’re building new relationships, requests make an even bigger impression. Candidates who said the commute wouldn’t be an issue, but complain about it two weeks into the job, cause managers to doubt their hiring decision. Coworkers who consistently ask for extensions to deadlines, appear unreliable.  

People watch us and silently judge, making assessments about our commitment, reliability and even character. Don’t make people question you. Make reasonable asks.

 Five ways to make reasonable requests:

1. Vet your requests with people who know your company, manager, and/or industry, before making them. A reasonable request in one organization, might not be reasonable in another.
2. If something is important to you, ask for it during the interview process or at the onset of new projects and relationships. Don’t wait. Waiting to ask for things until after you’ve started a job can damage your relationships and reputation. Managers don’t like bait and switch, even when it’s unintended.
3. Once you’ve received an emphatic “no”, accept it. I worked with someone who asked for something during the interview process. I said “no” and explained why. He asked again after being hired. This annoyed me and made me feel like he didn’t listen.
4. If you aren’t sure that what you’re asking for is reasonable, say so. Tell the person what you want and to please tell you if it isn’t a reasonable request.
5. Ask for feedback on your requests. If you’ve seen me speak, you know I’m a proponent of telling people, “If I do anything that damages our working relationship or makes you question me, I hope you’ll tell me. I promise I’ll take your feedback graciously and say, “thank you.”

Ask for what you want, within reason, be upfront when relationships begin, and build your relationships rather than break them.

Eliminate Your Business Blind Spots

You will be passed over for jobs, projects, and opportunities – personally and professionally. People will choose not to buy from you, and they’ll choose not to be your friend and romantic partner. And that’s ok. Not everyone is our right “customer.” The key isn’t to win every opportunity. Rather, it’s what we do when we don’t get what we want.

When you’re done feeling disappointed, mad, and frustrated, get curious. Find out why you were passed over. I’ll never suggest you make changes. I simply want you to know what’s standing in your way, so you have power – the power to choose.

We all have blind spots – things we do that are off-putting to others, that we’re not aware of. For the most part, people won’t tell us our business blind spots, instead, they simply pass us over. Being rejected is feedback, it’s just not specific enough to help us make different choices. If you want to be able to change your behavior, you need to know what behaviors are standing in your way. Then you can choose what, if anything, to do about those behaviors.

When you get turned down for an opportunity, practice these strategies to eliminate your business blind spots:

1. Allow yourself to have an emotional reaction, to feel disappointed, and to grieve the loss.

2. When your emotions dissipate, call people who can tell you why you were turned down, and ask for feedback. The goal of the conversation: Eliminate your business blind spots.

3. Be humble and open.

Consider saying something like, “Thank you so much for considering me/us to support your needs. We were disappointed not to win your business. Would you be willing to share what had you choose a different provider and what we could have done differently to be a stronger candidate? I’ll be grateful for anything you’re willing to tell me.”

Depending on the circumstances, you could also say something like, “I wasn’t put on the _______ project. I wonder if you have any information as to why.  I appreciate anything you’re able to tell me. Your input will help me grow and eliminate my business blind spots.”

4. Regardless of what you hear, thank the person for the feedback. You can ask for additional information and ask who else you can talk with, but don’t become defensive. The less defensive you get, the more feedback you’ll get. Make it easy to tell you the truth.

Remember, information is power, and power is control. Many people don’t give direct feedback because they’re afraid of the other person’s reaction. Surprise people by being open to feedback and eliminate your business blind spots.

5. Validate feedback that doesn’t feel right to you. If you’re not sure what someone told you is accurate, vet the feedback with other people you trust. Simply ask other people who are aware of your performance, “I received this feedback. Does that resonate with you?”

6. Sit with the feedback for a few days before taking any action.

7. When your emotions have passed, decide what – if anything – you want to do with the input you’ve received. Perhaps you want to make changes. Perhaps you don’t. Either way, you have more power than you did before you received any input.

You won’t win them all. The key isn’t avoiding rejection, it’s what you do when you don’t get what you want. Be brave. Be open. Ask for feedback. And you’ll have the power to make different choices next time, if you want to.

Advance Your Career – It’s Your Job

You might be lucky enough to have a manager who helps you advance your career, but you might not. Either way, you deserve to have the career you want, and ultimately, it’s your job to advance your career.

Here are four steps you can take to advance your career:

Advance Your Career Step One: Learn about different areas of your organization and become clear on what you want to learn and what areas of the business you want exposure to. You won’t know what to ask for from your manager if you don’t know what your organization does and the opportunities that are available.

Advance Your Career Step Two: Get to know the leaders and employees in other departments. Find out what they do on a daily basis, the initiatives they’re working on, and their short and long-term goals.

If you’re working virtually or in a hybrid environment, you may be wondering how to learn more about your organization and build relationships from a distance? How do you meet with people you never see? Anything you can do in-person, you can do over the phone or via video. It’s nice to be able to walk into someone’s office and ask a question or connect with someone in the hallway or a breakroom, but it isn’t essential.

Reach out to people in the organization you already know. You can make these connections via email or phone. I recommend phone. Tell people you want to learn more about the organization’s objectives and different departments. Ask who they can connect you with. Networking and building new business relationships virtually takes more upfront work than walking into someone’s office, but it can be done. Ask people to make virtual connections for you and then follow up on those connections within one business day.

Remember the job search advice you were given early in your career, to have informational interviews with people doing the work you wanted to do? Getting to know your current organization better is similar. Ask for informational meetings within your organization. And then communicate with the people you’re connected with in the way THEY like to communicate. Tell a person you’ve been connected with that you’d appreciate 15 minutes of their time and ask how they’d like to meet – via phone or video? Then schedule a short meeting via their preferred medium. When the 15-minutes is up, tell the person, you’re watching the time and you respect their time. Ask if they’d like to hang up or continue the conversation? And then honor their request. If you’d like to meet again, ask for another meeting. If there are next steps, make those steps clear and follow up via email, if it’s appropriate.

Advance Your Career Step Three: Ask your manager, your peers, and other organizational leaders who you need a good working relationship with and who can influence your next career opportunity.

You never know who talks to whom and who can influence your future opportunities. Department heads you don’t know well talk to other department heads. Don’t assume that because you don’t know someone well that they can’t influence your next opportunity or lack thereof.

Advance Your Career Step Four: Tell people who can influence your career what you want to do.

Don’t assume people know what you want to do in the future. In fact, assume others have no idea about the work you want to do and the things you want to learn. Tell people, “I’m really interested in learning more about ___________. I’d like exposure to __________ part of our organization.”

Your career is your responsibility. Don’t wait for your manager make your career happen. Take matters into your own hands. Follow the steps above and get more of what you want at work.