Don’t Give Fake Feedback – What Real Feedback Sounds Like

Most ‘feedback’ sounds like this:

• You’re awesome.
• Good job.
• Nicely done.
• You’re cutting corners.
• You have a bad attitude.
• You’re not committed.
• You’re careless.
• You’re disengaged.

I’m not sure why, I wish I could give you a good reason, but the vague phrases above are what most people say when attempting to give feedback. To prevent giving vague, unhelpful (a.k.a. fake) feedback, you need to prepare.

There is a reason you think the person is awesome or has a bad attitude. What did they do that created that impression? Until you can describe what the person did to create an impression, you’re not ready to give feedback. You’re better off saying nothing.

All of the phrases above are opinions with no facts. Opinions are judgments. Feeling judged makes people defensive. When people are defensive, it’s hard to listen.

The purpose of feedback is to help another person. Give the person enough information they know what behaviors to replicate and what to change. Before you give feedback, write down three things the person did that created your impression. If you can’t give an example, wait to have the conversation until you can. It’s better to say nothing than to say something vague.

Vague, positive feedback sounds inauthentic. Vague, negative feedback is judgmental. Neither vague positive or negative feedback strengthens relationships or helps the recipient.

If you want to be heard and helpful, provide an example. No example, no feedback.