Reaching Your Goals – What Changes Do You Need to Make?

It’s normal to want things but do things that prevent us from getting those things.

I want to get more sleep, but I lie in bed playing with my iphone long after I should be asleep. I want to be in better shape, but I find every reason not to work out. I want to do more local work, but I don’t pursue work in Denver. Who in Colorado wants to hire me to speak or do some training? Ok, back on track.

To have something different, we need to do something different, and that often means giving something up. Letting go of a habit or pattern is challenging. There’s a reason we do what we do. Our habits provide something – comfort, distraction, fun, etc. If you’ve ever done a ropes course or graduated to a more challenging ski run, you know you need to let go of what feels secure to get to the next level. And letting go can be scary and difficult. But if we don’t let go, we get stuck where we are.

Make a list of things you want that you don’t have now. Perhaps you want to:

• Learn a new skill or take on a new responsibility at work
• Buy a house
• Save more money
• Be in better shape
• Pursue a hobby

Then I’d ask, what do you need to give up (aka stop doing) to have what you want?

You need to do something differently, or you would already have what you want. Doing something differently could be as simple as telling someone who can help you get what you want. We often tell our coworkers and friends what we want from our job, but we don’t always tell the people who can help us get what we want.

If you want a different job, tell someone in your organization who can help you get what you want. Then create a plan with actions you’ll take, milestones, dates, and measurable outcomes, and follow up until you attain your goal.

Lastly, accept when you can’t get what you want from a person or organization, grieve, and then make a big change. If you have consistently pursued a role in your organization and in two or three years haven’t moved toward that goal, chances are you won’t get that job at that company. It’s likely you need to leave.

Choosing to leave is often the most difficult decision to make. We work and work on a relationship or situation, and eventually realize, we will never get what we want. That’s a very hard pill to swallow. But if you’re certain you won’t get what you want, despite your efforts, move on.

Five Steps to Reaching Your Goals – Ask Yourself:

What do I want that I don’t have now?

What do I need to give up in order to have what I want?

Have I made a request of the person/people who can help me get what I want?

Can the person/people I’ve asked for help assist me, and do they want to do so?

With persistence and consistency, can I get what I want from this situation, or is it time to move on?

Keys to reaching your goals: Determine what you want; tell someone who can help you get what you want; be consistent and persistent and be ready to make changes. To have something different, we have to do something different.

6 Steps to Advance Your Career with Communication and Courage

Companies want people who make things happen. And to make things happen, you have to speak up. No, anticipating the train wreck and commenting after the train goes off the tracks doesn’t count.

What if you said what you thought, in a way other people could hear you, when you had the right to do so? Meaning, you have the relationship with the other person to tell the truth and you’ve asked permission to be candid?

6 Courageous Steps to Advance Your Career:

1. Look for opportunities to make things better.
2. Ask for permission to take the ball and run with it.
3. Build relationships with other people who are making things happen.
4. Don’t say yes, when they mean no.
5. Find a way to say no, while engaging the other person in a conversation so a new approach is generated.
6. Are willing to go out on a limb, work hard, and fail.

Here’s how to speak up for change without being labeled as the problem person who finds flaws in everything:

1. Look for and present solutions, not merely problems.
2. Offer to do the work to move towards a better way of doing things. Don’t drop problems at your other people’s doors.
3. Ask questions versus overtly say why something is wrong. That could sound something like, “I’d love to help. Tell me more about the process. Perhaps we can insert a step to make this better. What do you think of trying…?” No one likes to be told he’s wrong. Asking questions elicits participation more than overtly saying, “This is broken. We need to fix it.”

Many people are afraid to speak up at work and believe that people who speak up get fired. I haven’t found this to be the case. People who work hard and produce results are typically the last people to be let go.

Say what you think in a way that is not critical; offer solutions not just problems; be a force for good and take an active role in making things better, and my hunch is your career will accelerate faster than you ever thought possible.

How to Ask For Feedback | Surround Yourself with People Who Will Tell You the Truth

The people in your life are not inclined to tell you the truth. In fact, they’ve been trained not to. Every time your friends, family, and coworkers told the truth (as they saw it) and the recipient responded defensively, their brains got trained –it’s not safe to tell the truth. So they stopped doing it.

Gossip damages relationships and tears families and organizations apart. But gossiping about the things that frustrate us feels easier and safer than talking to the offender directly when we anticipate resistance.

We have all watched our friends at work wear clothing that wasn’t the best choice, over speak in meetings, and make other career-limiting moves. And we said nothing. Because we felt it wasn’t our place to say something, or the input was not invited nor welcome.

If you want to be successful at work and for your career to grow, you need to surround yourself with people who will tell you the truth. These people don’t need to be your direct supervisor, the leaders in your organization, or your customers, although they may be. They can be your friends, family, and coworkers.

If you are consistently late, wear clothing that is not appropriate for work, or make commitments and then break them, your friends and family know that. Some people say they are a different person at work and at home. I don’t know that I buy that. We may exhibit different communication methods at work and at home, but our bad habits are the same.

The coworkers you sit near see and hear you work. They witness many of the good and not-so-good things you do at work that either help or damage your reputation. But they won’t tell you what those things are if you don’t ask. And even if you do ask, they still may not tell you. You have to ask for feedback and make it easy (safe) to give.

I recommend assembling what I call a Core Team of five or six people who will always tell you the truth. These are people who like and care about you. They are not the people you distrust and are struggling to work with. They may be current or past coworkers, friends from high school, college or today, and family members. These are the people who really know you and want you to be successful, and will thus tell you the truth –if you ask.

Here’s how to ask for feedback from the people in your life who care about you:

1. Pick a few people, using the criteria above, to be on your Core Team.

2. Tell them you want to get a better sense of the positive and not-so-positive things you do that may impact your reputation at work.

Here’s how you could ask for feedback:

“I am committed to my career and I want to eliminate any blind spots that may limit me. You know me well and watch me work.  I would really appreciate your feedback.  When you see me do anything that may limit my success, I give you permission to tell me.  And if you’d like, I’ll do the same for you. I promise that no matter what you say and how hard it is to hear, I will make it easy to give me feedback and I will say thank you.”

3. Ask for specific feedback.

Examples of questions you could ask:

• What is the first impression I make?
• What’s my reputation in the office?
• What do I do that makes me good to work with?
• What do I do that makes me challenging to work with?
• If I could change one thing that would make me more successful, what would it be?
• What strengths do I have that I should use more and leverage?

4. Promise that no matter what they tell you and how difficult it is to hear, you will say thank you.  And tell them you may come back to them with questions and to discuss further after you’ve processed what they said.

Saying thank you and nothing else, as you react to the feedback, which you will, makes it safe to give you feedback and more likely that you will receive feedback more than once.

There are more ways to ask for feedback and specific questions to ask in my new book, How to Say Anything to Anyone. And if you want the complete list of questions to manage your career and reputation, you can get them here.

Asking for feedback and saying thank you may sound difficult, and it can be. But it’s not as difficult as getting passed over for projects and jobs. You can do this!