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Don’t apologize for yourself

Since having a child, the words “I’m sorry” have taken over my life. “I’m sorry I missed your birthday.” “I’m sorry I’m delayed in replying.” “I’m sorry I missed your call.” “I’m sorry it took me four months to send you a thank you card.” These two words come out of my mouth so often that they’ve taken over my vocabulary.take resposibility

I’m a big fan of taking responsibility and personal accountability. I think being accountable is easier than passing the buck. When I’m accountable, I have more power and control. When someone else is accountable, I have neither. But there’s a difference between being accountable and apologizing for yourself.

Last week I vowed to stop saying, “I’m sorry.” And yet, the next words out of my mouth were apologetic.  Apologizing for oneself is so natural, it’s pervasive, aka, a hard habit to break.

Below are a few strategies for being accountable but not apologetic:

  1. Be accountable: Establish clear priorities and boundaries.  When I had a child, I set very clear guidelines for myself on work hours and travel practices. And I stick to those 99% of the time. Having clearly established boundaries makes decision making easy.
  2. Be accountable: Only commit to things you know you will do. For personal situations, only commit to things you genuinely want to do.
  3. Be accountable: Tell the truth. If you don’t plan to do something, say so, without apology. “Thank you but no” has a lot of power.
  4. Be accountable: Know your limits and what you need to be healthy and functioning at an optimum level. If you need eight hours of sleep, structure your life to get it. If you need weekends focused on your family, do that. If a trip home this summer feels like too much, don’t go. Taking care of yourself enables you to take care of others.
  5. Be accountable: Renegotiate when you need to. If you realize something you agreed to isn’t feasible or in your best interest, renegotiate versus suffer through it. Or, keep your commitment, but don’t recommit the next time a similar opportunity or request comes around.
  6. Be accountable: Be careful where you invest your energy. I love my family and friends, and they will never get a printed party invitation or holiday card from me. Ever. I want to do both. I really do. But just thinking about collecting addresses puts me over the edge.
  7. Be accountable: Give yourself a break. You’re doing the best you can. You’re a human like everyone else. We’re all doing the best we can.

Being accountable isn’t being perfect. It’s being human with points for effort. Be yourself. Take care of yourself. And do your best, unapologetically.

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About 

Shari Harley is the founder and President of Candid Culture, a Denver-based training firm that is bringing candor back to the workplace, making it easier to give feedback at work. Shari is the author of the business communication book How to Say Anything to Anyone: A Guide to Building Business Relationships that Really Work. She is a keynote speaker at conferences and does training throughout the U.S. Learn more about Shari Harley and Candid Culture’s training programs at www.candidculture.com.

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2 Responses to “Don’t apologize for yourself”

  1. Dana says:

    I am so happy to see this blog… I stopped saying I’m sorry a long time ago. I will acknowledge if I did something wrong or incorrect, by stating what happened: misunderstanding, not enough time, etc… but I do not say “SORRY”. The words I’m sorry, tend to suck the life out of me and make me feel insecure and insufficient.

  2. Belynda says:

    So! on point and right on time for me, thank you, Shari!

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