Your self esteem is impacting this relationship.
This is a line I’ve always wanted to use. But I won’t. Because although I think it’s true, saying it would be unhelpful. And unhelpful critique is just mean.
People who think highly of themselves are easier to work with than people who don’t. They are more confident and self assured. They don’t need a lot of reinforcement. People who have a high self esteem at work know they’re good. They may appreciate it if you tell them, but they don’t need you to tell them.
People who don’t think highly of themselves need an endless amount of reassurance. No matter how much reinforcement you provide, you will never fill the need. You can’t fill it. No one can make someone else feel good about him or herself. No amount of reassurance or accolades replaces a lack of belief in oneself. That belief must come from within.
People who don’t have high self esteem at work come off as arrogant. They’re the people who tell you how great they are, rather than letting their results speak for themselves. They’re slow to partner and quick to point fingers. They’re often the bully of the organization. They make others’ lives’ hard and take the credit for others’ work. They are the people employees get warned about when they join a new company.
You might be wondering when I became an arm chair psychologist. I didn’t. But I work with a lot of organizations and a lot of people. And the more organizations and people I work with, the more I see how similar people and organizations are.
Every organization has power struggles, egos, and similar communication challenges. I’ll tell you what I tell the organizations who tell me that their companies are worse at feedback and open communication than other companies. You’re special, but you’re not different.
The best thing you can do for your organization is to hire smart, driven, emotionally healthy people. As most of us know, that’s easier said than done. How do you identify emotionally healthy?
I ask these questions of EVERY person I interview both for my company and when I interview candidates for my clients. And a candidate’s answer is often a deal breaker that ends the interview process.
- What’s some negative feedback you’ve gotten in the past?
- What did you learn?
- What did you do with the information?
I will only hire people who are self aware. People who are self aware know where they’re strong and they know where they need to develop. There is no one who has gotten to adulthood without receiving some negative feedback. And if a candidate can’t muster up an example of this, then they’re not open to feedback. And people who are not open to feedback aren’t coachable. People who aren’t coachable are very difficult to work with.
You need coachable, introspective people in your organization. And not having those traits should be a deal breaker in your hiring process.
I would put $1000 on the table and say comfortably that the people in your organization who are difficult to work with are not self aware nor open to feedback.
Add assessing self awareness to your hiring process. Don’t hire people who don’t know themselves and aren’t open to feedback, and your organization culture and performance will improve. I guarantee it.