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Posts Tagged ‘realistic expectations’

Change Your Expectations for Better Working Relationships

The days I’ve struggled to be with my young son during this stay-at-home period are the days his behavior is other than I expect. Jumping, running, and racing around at bedtime when I expect it to be a calm, quiet time. Eating ice cream sandwiches before breakfast when I had already said no. Continuing to play during clean-up time when we had agreed to clean up toys together.

Working with our coworkers, managers, employees, and customers is not different. “I tell people if I’m going to be late or not attend a meeting. Why can’t other people do that?” “I touch base with my employees weekly to see what they need. Why can’t my boss do that?” “I tell vendors if I don’t want to do business with them. Why can’t potential customers just tell me if they don’t want to work with us?”

All of these frustrations stem from violated expectations. I expected you to do x. You did y. That’s – irritating, infuriating, flabbergasting.

To be less frustrated and enjoy working with others more, change your expectations.

I know bedtime is going to be wild, so I need to budget more time to allow for running and jumping before we settle into our bedtime routine. Or better yet, I need to accept that running and jumping are part of our bedtime routine. If someone has a history of not responding to emails or phone calls, I give them more lead time knowing I won’t hear back for a week. I work with the person instead of against them.

It’s easy to think that changing expectations is the same as lowering expectations. It really isn’t. It’s altering the way we work with people to reduce struggle. It’s working with versus working against. Altering expectations is challenging. It takes a lot of patience and preparation.

Below are four ways to change your expectations with people who don’t do things as you think they should:

Remind yourself how this person engages, based on your past experiences with the person. Not to be cynical, but your coworker will likely do something today the same way she did it last week. Remembering how people typically work will help you set your expectations accordingly and you’re likely to be less frustrated when she takes a week to reply to an email.

Set clear expectations when you begin working with people. “I need to get back to my client with this information by Wednesday. I know that’s a quick turn-around. If I don’t hear back from you tomorrow, what’s the best way to get in touch with you?”

I need to tell my son that if he eats sweets when he isn’t supposed to, I won’t buy any more. When it’s clean-up time, any toy my son doesn’t help put away goes into storage for a while.

Follow through on the expectations you’ve set. If you told your coworker you’re going to call and text when you haven’t heard back from them, you need to do that. If the agreement is to escalate when something isn’t done or that you do it yourself and that person isn’t able to provide input, you need to do that.

Following through on expectations is tricky. No one wants to be the ‘’bad or mean” person who holds others to account. And sometimes holding people to established expectations results in anger and backlash.

I’ll never forget the first time I taught at the graduate level at a local university. I set the expectation that I would deduct 10% from assignments that were turned in late. When I followed through on that expectation my students were irate and complained to the Dean, telling her I was unfair.

It was hard to reduce students’ grades. But if I didn’t follow through when expectations were violated, there was no point in setting expectations. It only undermines me and makes me seem like a person who doesn’t mean what she says.

Lastly, be real with people, not harsh or stringent, but real. If you’re struggling to work with someone or struggling to follow through on expectations, tell people that.

“I really need to get this information by Friday, and I don’t know what to do. I’m feeling stuck.”

“I want us to have a good working relationship, but I see that we’re struggling. Can we talk about it?” “I’m realizing I need more contact with you. How can we find 15-minutes a week to connect live?”

No communication techniques supersede being authentic and courageous. When you don’t know what to do or say, just be real. “I’m realizing this isn’t working but I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to go around you. What do you think we should do?” Working with other people and being a powerful communicator takes courage.

People aren’t us. They won’t do things our way. To be less frustrated, alter your expectations. Be ready for others to do things their way and plan for that. And when you can, set clear expectations with everyone involved in how projects and work will be managed. And it’s ok to get upset and express frustration. Be real, be yourself, and plan ahead.


Let’s Get Real – Realistic Work-from-Home Schedules

You’ve been on video calls for the past two hours. Your kids are bored, you aren’t accustomed to working alone at home and miss working in an office with other people, you don’t have a quiet, interruption-free environment in which to work, or your parents have called eight times.

Everyone you work with is dealing with different circumstances. Some are perfectly content working a full day at home, others are finding the experience isolating and lonely. Some have no distractions at home and others have many. But we won’t know what others are dealing with and how those circumstances impact work schedules and deliverables if we don’t ask.

Managers, employees, and coworkers need to talk to each other about the constraints they’re dealing with and what a realistic work schedule looks like right now, and those conversations may be personal. They’re likely more personal than the conversations you’ve had in the past and that may be uncomfortable.

Managers, before setting goals, assigning projects, or scheduling meetings, talk to employees about what a realistic workday looks like right now.

Here’s how the conversation could go: “I know working from home all the time is different from you’re used to. I want to get a sense of what a realistic schedule is for you and what kind of challenges you’re dealing with. We can create deadlines and deliverables from there.”

Managers share about your own situation and set expectations with your employees, coworkers and with your own boss. It could sound something like this: “I have two young kids at home and I’m bringing my parents food each day. I check and return emails before 7:00 am, while my kids are still asleep. I log back on and am available for calls from 9:00 am – 10:30 am. I’m out of commission until 3:00 pm. I work from 3:00 pm – 4:30 pm and then I’m available at night from 8:00 pm – 9:30 pm. I know it’s not ideal, but it is my reality. Let’s figure out how to ensure you get what you need from me given the schedule.”

These are the conversations we need to be having and no one wants to have them. Who wants to admit to their boss, employees, and coworkers that they’re not able to work and focus for much of the day? No one. But pretending like we can participate in six hours of video calls each day or that our availability and productivity isn’t impacted is stressful and unrealistic. We are humans working with other humans and we need to be real with one another.

Managers ask your employees what a realistic work schedule looks like and find out what they’re able to do on a given day. Employees, broach the conversation with managers and coworkers. Be honest and ask for flexibility. It’s better to set expectations upfront than to surprise and disappoint.


Give Yourself A Break – You’re Not Supposed to Be Perfect

realistic expectations

Last week I had some really, really terrible moments. Our office WIFI went out during a webinar. Not even the phone worked. I missed the deadline to speak at a conference that’s almost in my backyard and an event that I really want to participate in, I double booked myself and had to cancel a few appointments, and I hit my son’s teacher’s car, leaving her side mirror dangling like a Christmas tree ornament.

Some days are going to be terrible. On those terrible days, it’s so easy to feel like we’re screwing things up and that we are indeed a screw up. Instead, give yourself a break. The thing to know and remember, in the moment, is that you’re not terrible. You’re a human being, doing the best you can.

Here is a list of ways to give yourself a break and as a result, do your best work. I’ll admit, I’m working on doing these things too. Every day I’m annoyed that I’m not perfect. I want to be a combination of Mary Poppins, Super Woman, and Kate Middleton, but I’m not. I’m a business owner, working mom, who hasn’t seen the inside of a gym since my son was born, who recommits to better self-care every day, only to break that commitment in eleven different ways by 10:00 am.

Here are Nine Way to Give Yourself a Break:

  1. Set realistic deadlines so you’re not constantly running against time and overestimate how long everything will take to do.  Set yourself up to win.
  2. Before agreeing to a new commitment, ask yourself, “Do I really want to do this?” Try not to commit yourself to things you know, at your core, you don’t want to do. You’ll just resent that commitment when it rolls around and aren’t likely to do your best work.
  3. Turn off the alerts on your phone and laptop when you’re working. You’ll be more focused and get more work done.
  4. Ask for help. If there is someone who can help with a project (and it won’t make you look bad) let them.
  5. Go to bed earlier than you think you need to and leave your phone in the kitchen.
  6. Take a day off. Your company offers vacation time for a reason. People do better work when they take time to relax and rejuvenate.
  7. Take time for yourself, even if it’s 30 minutes.
  8. Drink more water and make sure you eat breakfast and lunch. I’m starting to sound like your mom.
  9. Say “thank you” more and “I’m sorry” less. “Thank you for letting me know” is more empowering than “I’m sorry I missed that.” I’m guilty of apologizing for everything, so much so that one of my employees and I play a game that whoever says she’s sorry first has to throw a dollar in a communal collection pot. Whatever you put attention on will improve.

Some of these things are business focused, some are personal. You bring yourself – your whole self – to work. It’s why you’re good at what you do. People want to work with real people. And real people over commit, make mistakes, and spend too much time on Facebook at 11:30 pm. Give yourself a break.
manage your career and reputation


Give Yourself A Break – You’re Not Supposed to Be Perfect

give yourself a break

Last week had some really, really terrible moments. Our office WIFI went out during a webinar. Not even the phone worked. I took on a commitment I knew I shouldn’t have, and it required too many long nights, flights, and time away from my family. And I self-medicated with chocolate, and possibly coffee cake, and maybe pizza. There’s more, but I don’t want to bore you.

Some days are going to be terrible. It’s so easy to feel like we’re screwing things up and that we are indeed a screw up. Give yourself a break. The thing to know and remember, in the moment, is that you’re not terrible. You’re a human being, doing the best you can.

Here is a list of ways to give yourself a break and as a result, do your best work. I’ll admit, I’m working on doing these things too. Every day, I’m annoyed that I’m not perfect. I want to be a combination of Sheryl Sandberg, Mary Poppins, and Kate Middleton. I’m not. I’m a business owner, working mom, who hasn’t seen the inside of a gym in over a year, and dreams of nights at the Ritz Carlton, by myself.

Nine Way to Give Yourself a Break:

  1. Set realistic deadlines. Set yourself up to win and look good.
  1. Ask yourself, “Do I really want to do this,” before agreeing to any new commitment.
  1. Turn off the alerts on your phone and laptop. You’ll be more focused and get more work done.
  1. Ask for help. If there is someone who can help with a project (and it won’t make you look bad), let them.
  1. Go to bed earlier than you think you need to.
  1. Take a day off. Your company offers vacation time for a reason. People do better work when they take time to relax and rejuvenate.
  1. Take time for yourself, even if it’s 30 minutes.
  1. Drink more water and make sure you eat breakfast and lunch. I’m starting to sound like your mom.
  1. Say “thank you” more and “I’m sorry” less.

Some of these things are business focused, some are personal. You bring yourself – your whole self – to work. It’s why you’re good at what you do. People want to work with real people. And real people over commit, make mistakes, and spend too much time on Facebook. Give yourself a break.

manage your career and reputation


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