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Posts Tagged ‘live in the present’

Be Happier and More Calm – Stay in the Moment

My four-year-old son and I have been at home alone together for seven weeks. No friends, no family, no childcare, no help in our house – just us. Some days are amazing, others are exasperating. The good days are when I’m focused on Grayson and am not swimming in a sea of what-if distractions.  The bad days are when I’m filled with fear and worry.

Some days I’m consumed with concern about the future. When will we be able to fly? When will I be able to do what I’m most passionate about – working with groups of people at conferences and training sessions? When should I have my staff ramp up? How can we cut costs? Will summer camps be canceled? What will we do this summer when it’s 100 degrees and pools are closed? When will it be safe to have our childcare provider return to our home? Will my son have school in the fall?

Intellectually I know that the only way to be happy, regardless of the circumstances, is to be present. There is nothing to compare to the present. When we live in the present there is no past and no future – there is only now. Nothing can be wrong with now because there is nothing to compare the current time and experience to.

I’m way out of my lane here. As you likely know, I don’t typically stray from my expertise – helping people communicate and work better together at work. Zen philosophy is not my area of expertise. But I have a feeling you’re like me – losing sleep, (possibly) gaining weight, and suffering about what the future might look like.

I want to enjoy this precious time with my little boy. We’ll never have time like this again – just us. Next year he’ll be older and not so interested in playing trains and trucks with me. He’ll want to go to his friends’ house versus playing in our backyard together. Precious, fleeting time.

I can’t do anything about when it will be safe to travel, be in a hotel ballroom, or send my son to school. I can look into my child’s precious eyes and remember that my job is to be here for him, today. To be great for him, regardless of the circumstances. I can keep in touch with you and find out how you and your coworkers and customers are doing. I can offer webinars that, while not in-person, are an effective way to connect with people and help build necessary skills.

I can focus on the actions I can take now.

Here are seven strategies I’m using to stay in the here and now:

Do what you need to function at a decent level each day: I need six hours of sleep and a tidy house.

Structure your workday for success: Work in small chunks. Tell your boss, coworkers, and customers when you’ll be available. Be realistic and forthright.

Put your cell phone away and silence alerts when you’re with family or doing things for yourself.

When you find yourself thinking about the future, direct your thoughts to something you can impact.

Call a friend or coworker you haven’t talked to in a long time.

Smile at whomever you’re with, just because. You’ll both feel better.

Do one thing every day that makes you happy – a long shower, time outside, activities with your family, read a book. Something that takes you away from the what-if’s playing ping pong in your head.

Silence your concerns about the future, for now. Be present with whomever you’re with. See if things look and feel better.


Live in the Present and Be Happier

Stress lessThe first time my now almost-three-year-old son stood up in his crib, I didn’t see it. I was sitting in his room watching him at the time. I was literally watching him in his crib, and yet I didn’t notice when he stood up for the first time. I wasn’t looking at my phone or talking with someone else. It was just he and I in the room, and yet I was so distracted with whatever I was thinking about, I didn’t ‘see’ him stand up for the first time.

When he was born, I was given the advice to stay present. And I scoffed at that advice. Of course I would stay present.

Living in the present sounds so simple. When you walk, walk. When you eat, eat. When you work, work. We’ve all heard this advice, and yet, it’s so hard to do.

Before having a baby, I would lie awake in bed at night worrying about the vendor who wasn’t the right fit, a decision I needed to make, or something I needed to finish. Now I think about those things when I’m ‘with’ my son – watching him, but not seeing.

If we’re thinking about anything other than then what we’re doing, we’re not living in the present moment. Instead, we’re focused on either the past or the future. And this is where stress and anxiety live. If we only think about what’s happening now, it’s impossible to be stressed, anxious, or worried. The question is how to stay present when our brains want to do anything but.

Here are seven strategies for living in the present moment:

Live in the present strategy one:  Write down everything you need to do, so you can free your brain from thinking about it.

Live in the present strategy two: Don’t over commit or over plan. Plan days with a schedule that you can easily achieve. Over committing causes stress and worry.

Live in the present strategy three: Only commit to do things you really plan (and at least in your personal life, really want) to do.

Live in the present strategy four: Give yourself a limited and prescribed time to talk about a problem and/or to worry about it. When the time is up, let it go and think about something else. Ask the people around you to help hold to this time limit. If you bring the topic up in conversation, ask your colleagues to point out that you’re still focused on the problem and refuse to have the conversation with you.  

Live in the present strategy five: Remind yourself (from moment to moment) to be present. When I’m with my son, I remind myself to really be with him and not thinking about or doing something else.

Live in the present strategy six:  Compartmentalize your time. Determine how long you’re going to do something, and only do that activity during that time period. When the time is up, move on to something else. When I’m not with clients, I spend half of each workday with my son. And when I’m with him, I don’t have my phone so I’m not tempted to check my email. When I’m with him, I’m really  with him.

Live in the present strategy seven:  Leave your phone some place you can’t see it. We are addicted to these little people separators. I find that one of the only ways I don’t check my phone, is not to carry the phone with me.

Being in the present moment requires discipline. If you want to feel more peaceful and less stressed, think only about what you’re doing. Let everyone else worry about the rest.

Contact Shari


How to Be Happier – Live in the Present

When my son was born, I was given lots of advice. One suggestion I remember distinctly was, “stay present.” I blew the comment off, at the time, thinking, “Well, of course.” But it’s so easy to be physically present and mentally elsewhere.

When you read, read. When you exercise, exercise. When you work, work. A practice that’s so simple, yet so hard to do. I’m never doing or thinking about just one thing.  When I’m with my young son, I’m thinking about the next time he needs to eat or sleep, or something I need to do. Instead of sleeping, I think about things I’m worried about. I’m often preoccupied, wondering how I could have handled something better. In summary, I’m terrible at being present. And it’s the root of a lot of suffering.

I was told long ago that there is only suffering when we’re not present. If we’re worried about the past or the future, we’re elsewhere. Be in the here and now, and there is nothing to worry about. I just wish it wasn’t so hard to do.

I’m working at this ‘being present’ thing, and there are a few things that I find help. I hope they help you too.

  1. Don’t carry your phone with you all the time. I don’t carry my phone with me when I’m with my son. That time is ours. The phone is a distraction for both of us.
  1. Set an alarm (on your hidden phone) 10 minutes before something needs to end. I set an alarm on my phone, which is away or face down, 10 minutes before I need to leave lunch, etc. with a friend. That ensures I’m on time for my next commitment and focused on the conversation versus being concerned about being late.
  1. Deal with what is weighing on you. If you’re worried about your finances, health, or a deadline, act. Ask for help. Do something to move closer to your goal.
  1. Have a conversation you know you need to have. If there is something left unsaid and it’s weighing on you, pick up the phone and speak up.
  1. Don’t over commit. Over committing is sure way to be stressed, unhappy, and not present.

Lots of people set New Year’s goals or resolutions. Mine is simple. I want to worry less and enjoy more. I want to live in the present.

 


Live in the Present and Be Happier

Live in the present moment

The first time my now eleven-month old son stood up in his crib, I didn’t see it. I was sitting in his room watching him at the time. I was literally watching him in his crib, and yet I didn’t notice when he stood up for the first time. I wasn’t looking at my phone or talking with someone else. It was just he and I in the room, and yet I was so distracted with whatever I was thinking about, I didn’t ‘see’ him stand up for the first time.

When he was born, I was given the advice to stay present. And I scoffed at that advice. Of course I would stay present.

Living in the present sounds so simple. When you walk, walk. When you eat, eat. When you work, work. We’ve all heard this advice, and yet, it’s so hard to do.

Before having a baby, I would lie awake in bed at night worrying about the vendor who wasn’t the right fit, a decision I needed to make, or something I needed to finish. Now I think about those things when I’m ‘with’ my son – watching him, but not seeing.

If we’re thinking about anything other than then what we’re doing, we’re not living in the present moment. Instead, we’re focused on either the past or the future. And this is where stress and anxiety live. If we only think about what’s happening now, it’s impossible to be stressed, anxious, or worried. The question is how to stay present when our brains want to do anything but.

Here are seven strategies for living in the present moment:

Live in the present strategy one:  Write down everything you need to do, so you can free your brain from thinking about it.

Live in the present strategy two: Don’t over commit or over plan. Plan days with a schedule that you can easily achieve. Over committing causes stress and worry.

Live in the present strategy three: Only commit to do things you really plan (and at least in your personal life, really want) to do.

Live in the present strategy four: Give yourself a limited and prescribed time to talk about a problem and/or to worry about it. When the time is up, let it go and think about something else. Ask the people around you to help hold to this time limit. If you bring the topic up in conversation, ask your colleagues to point out that you’re still focused on the problem and refuse to have the conversation with you.  

Live in the present strategy five: Remind yourself (from moment to moment) to be present. When I’m with my son, I remind myself to really be with him and not thinking about or doing something else.

Live in the present strategy six:  Compartmentalize your time. Determine how long you’re going to do something, and only do that activity during that time period. When the time is up, move on to something else. When I’m not with clients, I spend half of each workday with my son. And when I’m with him, I don’t have my phone so I’m not tempted to check my email. When I’m with him, I’m really  with him.

Live in the present strategy seven:  Leave your phone some place you can’t see it. We are addicted to these little people separators. I find that one of the only ways I don’t check my phone, is not to carry the phone with me.

Being in the present moment requires discipline. If you want to feel more peaceful and less stressed, think only about what you’re doing. Let everyone else worry about the rest.

Contact Shari


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