Seven Tips for Taking Time for Yourself

I’m going to admit that I’m terrible at what I’m recommending today – taking time for yourself. Often my weekly blog is something I too am working on, and this week is no exception.

Many of you know that I have a child and run a business. Perhaps like you, I work, travel, parent, cook and attempt to keep my house clean.  I’ll admit, in the past nine years, I haven’t had lunch with a friend without my son in tow, haven’t seen an adult movie, and only talk to friends when I’m traveling for work. BUT, since January 1st, I’ve been to four Pilates classes a week because doing so makes me feel better and because I said I would.

The classes are blocked on my calendar. I take my son to school, go to Pilates, and then start my work day. It’s the one thing I do for myself each week. And this summer, I might just be able to wear a bathing suit without my signature mumu skirt I’ve been wearing my entire adult life.

The value of downtime and taking time for yourself is well documented. There is a lot written on the need to take breaks to recharge and rejuvenate to avoid burn out. The question is how to do so without feeling like something else is getting short shrift.

Here are seven tips for taking time for yourself:

Taking time for yourself tip one: Give yourself permission after a really busy few days or week(s) to have a lightly scheduled day. If you’ve been on the road or worked really long hours for four days, don’t schedule early morning meetings and a full day on the fifth day. Know that you won’t be productive on day five anyway, so you might as well plan to do less, which is what you’re likely to do anyway.

Taking time for yourself tip two: Plan a day doing non-work-related things you really enjoy. When is the last time you did something you really love to do, just because? But, if a day of planned recreational activities feels like another ‘to do,’ you’re better off doing nothing and not feeling badly about it.

Taking time for yourself tip three: Plan time to see a friend weekly. I’ll admit that I have to schedule phone calls to catch up with friends and schedule time to see people I care about. Yes, I admit, this seems wrong. But do whatever it takes. If you have to put lunch or a phone call with a friend in your calendar for it to happen, do it.

Taking time for yourself tip four: Don’t feel badly about taking time off. Many employees don’t take their allotted vacation time – for a variety of reasons. Just do what you need to feel rested and refreshed. Stop judging yourself.

Taking time for yourself tip five: If you take a day off or sleep late, don’t work until two in the morning the next day to compensate. Doing so defeats the purpose and will put you in a hole the next day.

Taking time for yourself tip six: Watch where your time goes when you’re ‘working.’ I know that I squander lots of time while I’m ‘working.’ I allow myself to get distracted reading emails as they come in versus working on the project that’s on my calendar, texting with friends, and chatting in our office. You could work fewer hours if you reduced these distractions.

Taking time for yourself tip seven: Decide what you really want your life to be about and what’s really important to you. Do you want work to be your focus, or do you want an equal balance of friendships, family, and community activities? You likely have what it is that you really want.

If what you really want is a career-centric life, then just admit that and don’t judge yourself for it. But do take enough time off that you are rested, productive, and don’t resent your work.

Tired of Being Tired? The Way Out of Burn Out.

Someone asks if you can (fill in the blank). You look at your calendar. That hour is open. You say, “yes.” You forgot that hour was designed for something you’ve been meaning to do, for yourself. You’re angry (with yourself) for forgetting. You promise to do better tomorrow.

The next day… repeat.

The only way I know out of tired-induced-people-pleasing is to set boundaries and stick to them. And this is hard, for me.

Examples of boundaries: Putting an hour in your calendar during the day to exercise; blocking 30-minutes between meetings to work; limiting one day each weekend to kids’ sports. Boundaries are parameters that guide our behavior. Putting a boundary in place doesn’t mean saying no. Boundaries create the conditions that tell us, without struggle, when to say yes.

Before I had my son, I traveled for work constantly. Some weeks I was on the road for six consecutive days, in three different states. And I loved every second of it. Audience + microphone = happiness. When I had a child, I knew that schedule wasn’t going to work. So, I set boundaries. I decided how many nights per week I would travel, the time I needed to be home from each trip, and how many hours I was willing to fly. And I didn’t violate those boundaries for 8 years. If a piece of work would require me to violate my travel boundaries, I said no without struggle, no matter how much I wanted to do that piece of work. The boundaries made the decisions easy. There was no deliberating or debating.

I’ll admit, I’m not as effective as setting boundaries in other areas of my life. Last week, I had a yoga class on my calendar. When I learned a repair person was able to be at my house during that hour, the yoga class was quickly deleted from my calendar. Yesterday, I asked my son what he wanted for breakfast, before flag football. He wanted scrambled eggs and a smoothie. I made both, knowing there wasn’t time. We were late for flag football. What was missing in both situations? Boundaries.

How does this apply to work? The key to preventing tired, burnt-out employees is to make it safe to speak up. As I wrote earlier in the year, burnout is a systemic issue, not a personal one. Burnout at work comes from too much to do, over time. One way out – make it safe to tell the truth at work.

For the most part, no one wants to admit to their boss that they are overextended or overwhelmed. Doing so feels like failure, and who wants to admit failure? If you want employees who are energized versus exhausted, focus on making it safe to tell the truth at work.

Five ways to make it safe to tell the truth at work:

• Leaders and managers share their own truth. See the top of this blog for what that could sound like.
• Ask employees meaningful questions. “How’s it going?” is not a meaningful question. Try: “What are your preferred working hours? What times a day would you prefer not to be contacted?”
• Show appreciation when employees risk and say hard things.
• Reward the truth. Make employees who are willing to say hard things a positive example.
• Help employees problem solve to manage their time and priorities. Be ‘in it’ with them.

The good news about violating boundaries is you will get another chance to do it differently tomorrow. You can always reset a boundary. This time, tell the other people in your life about your boundaries. Tell your coworkers if you don’t do happy hours after meetings, 7:00 am Zoom calls, and back-to-back meetings, and tell them why. Then offer an alternative. Everything in life is a negotiation.