Give Feedback Privately and Quietly – Let People Save Face
The purpose of feedback isn’t to teach people a lesson, it’s to elicit certain behavior. Below are six strategies for giving helpful and succinct upgrade feedback:
- Write down your message. Save it as a draft. Re-read it later, when you’re not emotional, then cut the words in half. Shorter is better.
- Remove emotion. Examples are helpful, emotion is not. Emotion: You embarrassed me. Example: You raised your voice at me in front of others.
- Remove judgments. Vague words are judgmental. Judgment: Your behavior was unacceptable. Specific: You rolled your eyes at a coworker.
- When you can deliver your message in about a minute, without emotion or judgment, you’re ready to speak.
- Deliver all upgrade feedback in a private setting, behind a closed door.
- Then, let it go. When the conversation is over, it’s over. Don’t stay angry or remind the person of the situation. If the behavior is repeated, discuss it then.
Say only what you need to. Deliver messages privately. Protect the person’s ego, which is fragile. Let people save face. 
