Career Management Archive
Five years ago today, I left my secure, corporate job to start Candid Culture, an international training and consulting firm, bringing candor back to the workplace, making it safe to tell the truth at work. Leaving the security of a regular paycheck was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done, so scary that I talked about it for 12 years before finally taking action. After talking with friends and family about starting this business for so long, that they cut me off, on May 14th, 2007 I quit my job and left for Singapore to speak at my first international conference.
I wasn’t ready. I had no prospects and no plan. I didn’t think I’d be successful. In fact, I was reasonably convinced I’d fail. I was consumed with fear. But for the first time, my desire had become greater than my fear.
Two things moved me out of vacillation and into action.
Catalyst #1: For the first time in my career, I had a job I didn’t like. Before my last job, I would have done every career-related (a.k.a. real) job I’d had for free. In my last job I made a lot of money but was unhappy. I swore I’d never be someone who kept a job for the money.
Catalyst #2: I didn’t want to look back at the end of my career and wonder, what if? When I was in high school I was captivated by the Henry David Thoreau quote, “I want to live deep and suck the marrow out of life.” I made a decision then that I would not live my life controlled by fear.
So I quit.
My definition of success was low. All I wanted was to be able to pay my mortgage and not live under a bridge or with my parents. Given how low I set the bar, it’s amazing my first year in business with Candid Culture was as good as it was.
The past five years have been the most fun, rewarding time in my life. I’ve had the privilege to speak in seven countries and on three continents, in 23 states, and with organizations of all types and sizes.
Our work is different. It is edgy and direct and rarely what people are expecting. I cherish the feedback from conference attendees and clients, “You are a breadth of fresh air.” I can’t imagine being told anything better. Fresh implies different. And different can be scary.
We help organizations shift from cultures of silence and fear to a climates of candor and trust. Creating a more candid culture takes courage.
Thank you for your courage and your trust, and for believing that your organization can be a place people want to work and where they do their best work. I look forward to the next five years.
Think about all the people in your life who frustrate you. The employees who turn in work without checking for errors. The person who offices next to you and takes phone calls via speaker phone. The person who is always late for meetings and then proceeds to text under the table, like no one can see him. And in personal relationships, our friends who come late, cancel, or just aren’t in touch as often as we’d like.
These situations annoy us, but we often don
’t say anything because giving feedback is simply too hard. Why risk the person’s defensiveness? Or we don’t think addressing the situation will make a difference.
Giving feedback can be hard. Asking for what you want is easier, but most of us don’t do it.
The question is why? If making a request is easier than correcting someone’s behavior, why not ask for what you want upfront? Why wait until expectations are violated to make a request? The answer is simple.
We don’t think we should have to make requests. We assume our employees, coworkers, and friends will do things as we do.
We would never turn in work without checking it for accuracy or come to a meeting late. So we assume others won’t either. And when they do, it feels too hard to speak up, so we don’t.
I’m going to suggest you approach relationships differently –more proactively.
Ask for what you want at the beginning of a relationship, project, meeting – anything new. Set clear expectations. If you want to start and end meetings on time, tell people that during your first meeting. And if you have an existing behavior you want to shift, simply say, “I realized I didn’t tell you that starting and ending meetings on time is really important to me. Going forward, we’re going to start and end all meetings on time. So please be ready for that.” If you need a quiet work environment, when you get assigned a new desk or seat mate, tell your coworkers that you are easily distracted by noise and ask them to take all calls via a hand or head set and to limit posses of visitors. If it bugs you when people wear shoes in your house, tell them when they arrive. Don’t expect people to guess you’re frustrated and alter their behavior without you making a request. It’s not going to happen.
Consider all the things that annoy you. Then consider what you did or didn’t ask for. If you haven’t made your expectations clear, it’s not too late. Asking for what you want is easier than you think.
I’m reasonably sure I got fired from my college teaching job. Two students went to the Dean to complain about me, and Deans generally don’t like dealing with annoyed students.
What did I do to incense my students to the point of complaint? I gave them a grammar lesson.
I was teaching a graduate level leadership class. While reading my students’ first papers, I found myself correcting their grammar – for an hour, per paper. I found the papers too hard to read without fixing the grammar.
When I handed the papers back I told my students, “You want to be leaders. Not being able to write will hold your career back more than your leadership abilities. So we’re going to work on writing today.” Then I reviewed some basic grammar rules. The students who complained said that they weren’t paying to learn how to write. They were paying to learn how to be leaders.
They missed the lesson.
When I screen resumes, I eliminate candidates whose resumes have typos and spelling errors. And many other managers do as well. A resume is like a first date. You’re working to impress. And as my dad says, it doesn’t get any better than it is at the beginning. If your date behaves badly early on, it will only get worse. If candidates don’t pay attention to their own marketing tool, why would they pay attention to yours?
Some people say that the prevalence of texting and Instant Messenger has changed the standards of what type of writing is acceptable at work. I disagree.
When clients receive proposals with errors, do they want to hire you? When you send an email or report with grammar errors or typos to the people in your office who can impact your career, do they dismiss the errors or make a mental note that you’re careless? I suspect the latter.
Being successful at work is hard enough. Don’t give people a reason to discredit you.
- Spell check your work
- Be succinct. If you can say it in 10 words, eliminate the extra 20 you’ve written.
- If you are struggling with writing, take a class.
Little things matter.
I’ve worked for people who were crazy, had quirky interpersonal skills and who spoke only in cryptic analogies. It may sound trite, but I’ve learned something from every boss– the under educated, lacking in experience and emotionally volatile. All of them were good – at something.
My second boss did not have the education or experience to do the job for which he was hired. I was a trainer and there was nothing he could teach me about training. But he was really good politically, and I was really bad. Not only did I not play the game, I didn’t even know which game we were playing. I learned how to navigate a corporate environment from him, and it’s something I write and teach about today. He made me a more savvy careerist. And I taught him a thing or two about training.
My next boss had weird interpersonal skills. He typically had a Cheshire-Cat-like-grin plastered on his face that made all of his direct reports question his authenticity and decide he was downright odd. But he really knew how to package and present information. He told me I was all substance and no sizzle. I actually thought it was a compliment – all meat and no fluff, until I didn’t get a raise one year because I didn’t promote my accomplishments well enough. The Cheshire Cat taught me how to package and present information so I could sell my ideas and in turn get resources to create change.
Make every situation work –for you. You may not get what you want or were expecting from your boss, but she is sure to have something you need. Look for what she does effectively. Watch her in meetings. See the reports she produces. Watch what she is able to sell and how she works with difficult people.
I assure you the day will come that you will need that skill and will be grateful that your worst boss, with little education and poor interpersonal skills was a good example… of something.
If you work long enough you will have a boss who you don’t trust, like or respect. And your career will still grow. You will develop, succeed and move ahead. You have to. If you’re committed to your career, you have no choice.
Your career cannot be determined by the person for whom you work. If you put your success and satisfaction in someone else’s hands, you could be waiting a long time and be forever disappointed.
You may not like your boss, and it is well known that people leave managers not jobs. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve quit jobs because my boss was a jerk and I didn’t want to work from him. And it was the right thing to do. But he didn’t drive my career nor my level of success. I still learned and grew and made more money. And you can too.
How to Create Your Career:
1) Find out who can impact your career. Your boss can most likely tell you this, regardless of what you think of him.
2) Find out what those people think about you by asking for feedback.
3) Only put in front of people what you want them to see. You can’t control what anyone thinks. But you can control what they see.
4) Get good at self promotion without appearing self inflated. Make sure the people who can impact your career know your team’s most recent accomplishment. Not your accomplishment, but your team’s. That will add and aspect of humility to self promotion.
5) Ensure you have a line of communication to your boss’s boss. Don’t leave it to your boss to promote you to others. That’s your job.
Don’t wait for people to promote you, give you opportunities, or mentor you. Create your career. You choose the path. It doesn’t choose you.
My closest girlfriend ended an almost year-long, romantic relationship three weeks ago. She thought she’d feel better by now, that some of the pain would have subsided. But it hasn’t. She’s scared and lonely, and worried that he was her last shot at the life she envisions for herself. Of course, this isn’t true. A very small part of her brain knows that. But that part is on medical leave right now, and what’s running the show is the irrational part. The part that says she’ll end up like Ms. Havisham in Great Expectations (you know, that horrendous classic we had to read in 9th grade), with a house full of cobwebs and cats.
She held onto him and the relationship much longer than she should have because she was afraid – afraid of not finding someone who was a better fit for her. So she tried to make the relationship work. And many of us are doing the same thing at work.
We are in the wrong company or in the wrong job. We know it. Our boss probably knows it. Our friends and spouse know it, because they hear about it ALL THE TIME. But we’re afraid. The job market is bad. [There aren’t any good men.] You should be grateful to have a job [Any relationship is better than being alone.] The grass is always greener. [You’re too picky.]
I’m not telling you not to compromise. You won’t get everything you want at the same time. You may find a job you love, that pays so-so. Or a job three miles from your house, but there’s a lot of travel. Or the work is interesting and challenging, and you can wear jeans to work, but your boss is a jerk. There is always something.
You have to know what you need and what you want in a company and in a job. And needs and wants are not the same thing. What you want is nice to have, but not having it won’t kill your career, your spirit, or your checking account. Get clear on what you need. Until you know what you need, you will continue to take the wrong jobs and date the wrong people.
Unfortunately the only way to discover what you need is by having it. For example, I didn’t add fun and tolerant to my list of dating requirements until I went on a date with a man who was neither. I didn’t add needing an office until I had a job with a cubical that was louder than a bar at happy hour.
We figure out what we like to do and what we need in a job by working. So take jobs for the experience. And when you realize you are in the wrong job or at the wrong company, get out. Don’t spend two years trying to convince yourself that your current situation is ok and could be what you want. It’s not.
You’ll make yourself sick trying to fit where you simply don’t. If it’s a collaborative culture and you see team as a four letter word, you will be unhappy. If you want to leave at five everyday and it’s a workaholic, face-time culture, you will be miserable. Miserable defined: You can’t be yourself. When we can’t be ourselves we fake it. And we can only fake it for so long.
Career management requires you to identify what you need and want in a company and in a job. Determine if you can get what you need at your current company. If you can, ask for it and then work hard to demonstrate that you deserve it. And if the job you want isn’t available at your current company, start looking for a place where you can find it. He isn’t the last man and you aren’t in the last job.
