How to Be Happy Now

I’ve heard lots of people say they just want 2020 to be over and that 2020 has been a bad year. It’s definitely been a very different and difficult year. I’m right there with you – virtual school, no childcare, not seeing family or friends, and doing three jobs because everyone in our office is working virtually. And part of being powerful is creating fun and choosing happiness regardless of the circumstances.

Here are some ideas for creating fun and happiness, regardless of the circumstances. If you read last week’s blog, some of this will sound familiar.

Connect with people you haven’t talked to in a while. Call, texting isn’t the same.

• Past coworkers
• Friends from high school, college, and graduate school
• Cousins and siblings
• Neighbors
• Out-of-town friends
• Local friends

Here are a few ways to take care of yourself during the workday:

• Listen to music.
• Eat breakfast or lunch instead of skipping a meal.
• Text a friend when you have down time.
• Walk outside to take a break.

Catch the last of your city’s holiday activities. Do things five-year-old’s think are fun. They’re fun for adults too.

• Is your city’s Zoo lit up for the holidays? Bring hot chocolate and go.
• Are your city’s botanic gardens or downtown lit up? Are there drive-through light shows?
• Find a place to toast marsh mellows and make s’mores. Hotels are often lit up and have outdoor fire pits.
• Drive or walk and see your neighbor’s lights.
• Decorate cookies, cupcakes and gingerbread houses. Seriously, it’s fun! If you email me, I’ll send you photos of our masterpieces. If you have kids, give up what the gingerbread house is ‘supposed to look like’ and let the kids do their thing (this is challenging for me).

Do something you enjoy every day. Keep it simple and cheap. Here are a few from my life:

• Listen to music. Maybe go crazy and have a spontaneous dance party.
• Order food from a favorite restaurant. I’ll admit that sometimes we have breakfast delivered.
• Go for a walk or hike.
• Do something you’ve never done. We’re trying snowmobiling this week.
• Drive someplace beautiful.
• Watch a movie you haven’t seen.

Lastly, what’s a bad habit you can stop doing, for one day. Don’t over commit. Mine are below:

• Opening emails, promising I’ll reply, only to have the email get buried and forgotten.
• Surfing Facebook and the internet at night.
• Eating whatever my kid doesn’t finish.
• Checking my phone (way more than necessary).

There are lots of ways to have fun regardless of the circumstances – from seeing lights, to reconnecting with old friends, to taking care of ourselves, and stopping a bad habit, just for one day.

Have a wonderful rest of the year! We are grateful for the many organizations that invested in virtual training and keynote speaking this year. We’ve loved working with all of you and hope to see you virtually or in person next year.

We wish you a Happy New Year and powerful start to 2021!

Have Fun this Holiday Season

Maybe you’re not flying to see your family, celebrating the holidays with the people you otherwise would, or taking that big vacation. This year’s holidays will look different from other years, but they can still be fun. Below are some simple and free ways to have fun this holiday season, whether you’re working or off.  

Do things five-year-old’s think are fun. They’re fun for adults too.

• Is your city’s Zoo lit up for the holidays? Bring hot chocolate and go. Ride the train and the carousel if they have one, yes, even without kids.
• Are your city’s botanic gardens or other gardens lit up?
• Is your downtown lit up?
• Are there drive-through light shows?
• Drive or walk and see your neighbor’s lights.
• Decorate cookies and gingerbread houses. Seriously, it’s fun! If you email me, I’ll send you photos of our masterpieces. If you have kids, give up what the gingerbread house is ‘supposed to look like’ and let the kids do their thing (this is challenging for me).

Moving on to day-to-day happiness, when is the last time you did things you enjoy? Keep it simple and cheap. Here are a few from my life:

• Listen to music
• Go out for ice cream
• Ride my bike
• Go to the mountains or some other beautiful spot
• Read a book

Call people you haven’t talked to in a while. Yes, call. Texting isn’t the same.

• Past coworkers
• Friends from high school, college, and graduate school
• Cousins and siblings
• Neighbors
• Out-of-town friends
• Local friends

If you’re working over the holidays, below are a few ways to take care of yourself during the workday:

• Walk around your neighborhood or house for a short break
• Listen to music
• Eat breakfast or lunch instead of skipping a meal
• Text a friend when you have down time
• Walk outside to take a break
• Five minutes of yoga

Lastly, what’s a bad habit you can stop doing, for one day. Don’t over commit. Mine are below:

• Surfing Facebook and the internet at night
• Eating whatever my kid doesn’t finish
• Eating the remaining Halloween candy when my kid isn’t looking
• Texting when I should be working or sleeping
• Checking my phone (way more than necessary)

There are lots of ways to have fun this holiday season – from seeing lights, to reconnecting with old friends, to taking care of ourselves and stopping a bad habit, just for one day.

We wish you and your family a warm wrap-up to 2020 and a very different 2021. Happy Holidays from all of us at Candid Culture.

Ask for Specific Feedback – Make Performance Appraisals More Useful

The coaches of my son’s pre-Covid soccer class would frequently tell the kids, “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” As adults entering performance appraisal season, I think we can do better.

Performance appraisals are, for many, the most dreaded day of the year.  Most employees anticipate the meeting, wondering what their manager will say. In addition to hearing about the situations your manager, and others in your organization, observed throughout the year, why not tell your manager what you’d like to know?

It’s perfectly appropriate to tell your manager if you’d like feedback about a specific aspect of your performance or about a certain project or piece of work. And the time to ask for this feedback is at least one month BEFORE your appraisal meeting.

If you ask for feedback during the meeting, you’re likely to catch your boss off guard. Managers don’t typically follow employees around or call into every meeting in which employees participate. As a result, your boss may not have an answer to your question. She is likely not thinking about the specific input you want.

Most people don’t like to be caught off guard or feel that they can’t answer a question. Asking for feedback in the moment, that your boss can’t address, may embarrass your manager. Don’t put managers on the spot. Set your boss and yourself up for success by asking for specific feedback BEFORE meetings, and give your manager a chance to observe you doing that kind of work.

Ask a vague question, get a vague answer. Ask a specific question, get a specific answer. If you want specific feedback, let your manager know and give her time to observe you doing the actions you’re asking about BEFORE the feedback conversation.

If you want to know how you manage telling internal or external clients “no”, give your boss a chance to see or hear you do this. If you want feedback on how you built relationships with peers virtually this year, give your boss a chance to observe that behavior or time to ask your peers for input.

Here’s how asking for specific feedback might sound: “My annual performance appraisal is in January. I am, of course, interested in everything you have to say. I’d also like feedback on how I lead large meetings. I’m leading two meetings between now and my appraisal. If you have the availability to call into either one and listen to how I elicit participation while maintaining control of the meeting, I’d really appreciate it. I’ll send you the call-in information.”

When you tell your manager the specific feedback you want to hear and give her an opportunity to observe you doing that work, you demonstrate seriousness about getting feedback and that you respect your manager’s time. You’re also likely to get more useful, specific feedback.

The practice of asking for specific feedback before one-on-one meetings and giving your manager time to observe you doing that work, is something I recommend doing all year, not just during performance appraisals. Feedback should be delivered as work is produced. The annual review should be just that, a review of conversations that happened during the year.

Remember, you get what you ask for. Ask a vague question, get a vague answer.

360-Degree Feedback – Get A Second Opinion

People get defensive when they receive negative feedback. It’s hard not to. Everyone wants to be seen as competent, and when we receive negative feedback, our competence is called into question. So we react.

There are several things you can do to reduce others’ defensiveness – ensure you have a trusting relationship and thus have earned the right to give feedback, watch your words, deliver feedback in a private setting, etc. But for today, I’m going to focus on getting a second opinion.

If you want people to be more receptive to your feedback, consider encouraging them to get a second, third, or fourth opinion. I’m a fan of casual 360-degree feedback – when we ask for feedback from people we work with both inside and possibly outside the organization. Think of 360-degree feedback like an orange, it’s all the way around, like a sphere. When you get 360-degree feedback, you gather input from all the different types of people you interact with, thus getting a more comprehensive and accurate picture of performance. There are different types of 360-degree feedback. 360-degree feedback ranges from the formal – an online, anonymous survey (I’m not a fan) – to casual conversations (which I recommend). In this instance, I’m suggesting something I call The Core Team.

I suggest everyone has a Core Team of about five people who love you, know you well, and have your back. Most important is that you trust these people. Your Core Team may be personal or professional relationships or a mixture of both. You may have worked with Core Team members or not. What all Core Team members have in common is that they know you well, want what’s best for you, and will tell you the truth when asked.

My core team consists of a friend from high school, two people I used to work with, and my parents. When I get feedback that I’m having a hard time reconciling, I ask people on my Core Team to validate the feedback. It doesn’t matter if they’ve worked with me or not. I am who I am. I do the same annoying stuff in my personal and professional relationships. So a personal Core Team member can provide valid, professional feedback and vice versa. Sometimes they agree with the feedback I’ve been given and sometimes they don’t. But I always get compelling information to think about. And because I trust the people on my Core Team, I listen to what they have to say.

Don’t be disheartened if people don’t trust your feedback and aren’t receptive. Instead, see their resistance as human and encourage them to get a second opinion. And then talk again. Listening to and incorporating feedback is a process. It takes time, courage, and patience.